2 + 1 = 3

2 + 1 = 3: Reflections from the 889 Yoga Community

Welcome to 889 Voices, a space where members of the 889 Yoga community share personal reflections, teaching insights and stories drawn from their practice and their lives. This entry comes from Madelaine, a doula and yoga teacher, writing about the relationship that begins a family.

2 + 1 = 3: Caring for the First Relationship

By Madelaine, doula & yoga teacher · February 28, 2026

If you are expecting a baby or already raising one, have you paused to consider the first relationship — the marriage or partnership that brought this family into being? Madelaine suggests that investing time in that bond is not an indulgence or a luxury but a genuine necessity, and even a responsibility we hold toward ourselves as a couple and, just as importantly, toward our children.

Think of yourselves as co-captains of a ship that depends on your shared leadership. Or, though an army is not her favourite comparison, consider co-generals whose members’ wellbeing rests on the strength of their relationship — without it, the unit cannot function and begins to fall apart.

Newly married and herself a child of a divorced family, Madelaine has been reflecting on this closely. She believes couples need to prioritise their marriages and partnerships, particularly once a baby arrives. Happy new marriages are too often unprepared for the pressures and demands of parenting, especially in a world where the “village” that once helped raise children is largely missing.

Her mother, a family mediator and psychoanalyst, has guided many couples through more peaceful — or at least less antagonistic — separations and shared parenting. Through that work and her own experience, she has seen how few policies and resources exist for keeping marriages and partnerships together. The two of them discussed how little social and cultural recognition the couple receives. A telling example: we service our cars regularly and visit the doctor once a year for a check-up, yet what do we do regularly for our primary relationship? It falls to us as individuals to value these bonds and commit to caring for them.

So the question is: what will you do for your first relationship?

One of Madelaine’s favourite books on the subject is And Baby Makes Three by John and Julie Gottman.

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