By Kathleen Henry, 889 Yoga Teacher
So I have something I need to work out, and I was thinking that my blog here might be the perfect medium. . . Please bear with me and I will explain my predicament . . .
Sometime over the course of the last year, I injured my right shoulder. I still have no idea how I did it. My doctor suspects it was an old injury that I had had for sometime that eventually just became aggravated. It might have been from yoga. I had been practicing a traditional ashtanga-style practice with many jump-backs for some time. It might have been from playing tennis. I had begun playing again after many years away from the game. In any case, I started noticing my right arm getting weaker, and feeling sore after both tennis and yoga.
First I ignored it, then I tried advil, then I cut back on tennis, then I modified my yoga practice, then I stopped practicing all together and started running again for a month to take my mind off of my injury . . . I stopped teaching sun salutations and jump backs and just verbally cued everyone in class. And none of these efforts did anything to reduce the pain. I was waking up in the middle of the night with a sore arm, and so finally I broke down and got an MRI.
The MRI report showed a torn labrum in my right shoulder. Wow. I knew it was hurting but I had been hoping it was something that would heal on its own.
So I tried physiotherapy, even though my doctor and therapist both told me it would not fix the torn labrum, both indicated it might help with the pain. Once a week I dutifully went, and daily I did (and do) a whole bunch of boring exercises. My arm still hurt, and finally I listened to my doctor and resigned myself to surgery. The only question was when . .
Well I couldn’t do it it the summer, as the recovery would involve a lengthy healing process. . And I still wanted to swim, and ride my bike . . ..
A visiting yoga teacher I admired was in town that week, and after I confessed to crying my eyes out because I couldn’t do traditional ashtanga practice, he helped me figure out a modified practice to do on my own. So I started doing that. And suddenly yoga became interesting again. He also told me to go ahead and get surgery, something I didn’t expect to hear from a yogi.Then another one of my teachers told me that he thought surgery was worth it. Then I met 3 other yogis who all had torn labrums and who were all considering surgery. So not only was I starting to feel like I could give myself permission to get surgery, I also had company. And I stopped feeling depressed about my shoulder and more resolved to get the surgery . .the only question was when . . .
Well I couldn’t do it in September, because I had planned a kiteboarding trip to Cape Hatteras . . .
And so I went, and I came back from Cape Hatteras and I learned to kiteboard a little bit, and the great thing was it didn’t hurt my shoulder at all. And I am still practicing my modified practice, and still running, and if I do my physio every single day, it doesn’t even hurt. On top of that, my doctor said if I am getting surgery anyway, it makes no difference if I rest the arm or not, so I have the all clear to practice as much as I want, and I have gone back to teaching sun salutations and jump backs. My right arm does give out now and then, but if it doesn’t hurt, I don’t mind so much. Of course, I realize I have to get the surgery if I ever want to go back to full ashtanga practice, and play lots of tennis . .so the only question is when . . .
Well I cant do it in October or November, because I just got a part in a musical . . .. And I won’t be able to dance for a month if I get the op.
January is looking like a possibility . . . .and February is a terrible month anyway so I can be depressed about everything all at once if I wait until then! And I just had an epiphany—- its the PERFECT subject for 2012 New Years Resolution!
I don’t need to decide this right now . . will resolve to decide when to have surgery sometime in 2012 and am not going to worry about the question of when until then! Wow, that’s a relief! So glad I worked it out in my blog!
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Kathleen,
So sorry to hear about your injury, but suddenly I don’t feel so alone as I read your blog. I had several injuries to my back and five MRI’s and really did heal through yoga. It took almost two years, but yoga helped me immensely. So I recently began a yoga teacher training program so I could learn more about yoga and how to better practice and hopefully pass on the knowledge, as I have lived through injury recovery and know how awfully frustrating it is. But about three weeks ago I was in a major car accident and can no longer practice yoga (I’m told). My neck and back have multiple tears and soft tissue damage, I cannot drive until all cardiac and neurological testing is completed to rule out any medical issues and I feel a complete loss of independence. No one gives notice on life changes like this. But in my heart I know I am okay, but still must wait for that MRI of the head, cardiac tests and the “okay” to continue with my life as before. But I just want to practice yoga again and be out of pain. I miss it so dearly and without a car and the ability to lift very much, I cannot get out very often from home right now. So I feel lonely, depressed, isolated and out of shape.
Yoga is about present moment awareness and so I know I must accept where the Universe has brought me to again - whether I know the reason for it or not. But somehow, I cannot understand it or accept it. I have been through this before, so why again? I am in pain daily and find it hard to even walk….any advice?
Sadhana
Thank you for sharing both of your personal stories in such an open and authentic way.
So many of us are dealing with this issue every day and silently suffering.
Coping with injuries in the physical realm is hard enough, but it’s often the psychological aspects of pain that are more difficult to overcome.
As someone who has had to deal with more than one life time worth of injuries – mostly sports related and some too embarrassing to admit how – including 2 serious injuries in the past 4 months, I can empathize.
One recent injury required major surgery – what surgery isn’t major, right?!?. My wrist was opened up with a 3 1/2″ long incision where a metal plate and a bunch of pins were inserted, assuring me a lifetime of airport security delays and solo travels. Yes, that was indeed my first concern. Predisposed arthritis can wait!
The good news is that through a commitment to physio, modified yoga and yin my recovery is progressing so well and exceeding my doctor’s more conservative, and dare I say, downright depressing prognosis. I guess docs need to mitigate their risks by not raising false expectations. I get it.
Sadhana, you asked for some advice. While I am not intending to offer advice, I do wish to provide you with some encouragement and options.
As part of my recovery, I took a course to help me better cope with pain and stress called Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR).
MBSR is rooted in yoga and can be a powerful and even transformational meditative discipline and way of life.
In that class I met some truly inspirational people, including a woman who was in a serious accident and was to never walk again, let alone practice yoga. Well, she not only is walking, but she also is practicing yoga (lying down yoga for now).
Doctors have an important role in our physical well-being. But doctor’s cannot diagnose nor predict courage, resiliency and the capacity of the human spirit.
I think it was Seane Corn who said: “Yoga doesn’t care how many times you fall, it cares how many times you get back up”.
Although I don’t know you Sadhana, I believe in you. Why? Because you’ve gotten up before. And I just know that you will get back up again.
Keep the faith….