Plans, preparation, and preferences

by Madelaine, Yoga Teacher & Doula

“While all of your (birth) planning may create a cocoon of security, in actuality, the course of your labor is unknowable…your critical task is to prepare for a birth that has no script.”

~ Birthing From Within by Pam England

You can prepare for birth, but you cannot plan birth. Maybe it’s nature’s way of introducing us to parenthood - we have created a little human being who is about to arrive, and we will never be able to plan or control his or her behaviour.

A doula colleague recently said that so many times when she hears a birth story, it starts with “Well . . . it didn’t exactly go as we planned . . . ” - as if that was a bad thing. But we cannot plan birth - we can only receive it.

That’s not to say that you can’t let your caregivers know preferences when they are possible, for example, birthing at home rather than at a hospital, gentle massage rather than firm, coconut water instead of gatorade, dim lights over brightness, etc. But make note the difference between a preference and a plan - a distinction that is underused in our birth culture. Discover and communicate your birth preferences, and throw out your birth plan. It may be semantics, but words have impact.

Here’s what I believe is an intelligent approach toward preparing for birth:

- Learn as much as you can about labour and birth. This may reduce fear of the unknown. As well, I often find the most troubling part of birth for women are the moments that occur where something happened that totally caught them off guard, that they had no idea could possibly happen, and the feelings of disorientation and lack of empowerment that can come with that.

- Learn about what you can control and what you can’t control. When you are in the moment to moment experience of birth, there can be many decisions to be made. This is likely to improve your ability - in the richness and chaos of the moment - to make choices that feel right for you (the choice first of all of a compassionate caregiver can also assist your ability to know when you have a choice).

- Learn about yourself and learn to be in the present. Take prenatal yoga or whatever means is right for you to learn how to be in the moment with how you are feeling. Take a good look at your fears, anxieties, assumptions, and hopes. This practice can help you be in the moment with your experience of labour and birth.

- Learn to trust. When in labour, make a commitment to yourself to do your best not to try to plan or control the process. Trust your body. Trust your baby. Trust birth. 95% of the time that birth is left to it’s own devices, it goes well. Trust your carefully selected caregivers if your experience is part of the 5% where birth needs assistance.

I sincerely hope this is helpful for you on your journey toward and through labour and birth. As my favourite birth person, Sasha Padron (of YogaSpace), says:

“There is nothing coming that is more than you can handle. You have everything you need for whatever comes next.”